Balance

Leia realizes that Han is having trouble adjusting to ‘civilian’ life.

Prompt: Inadequate

Ficlet, Rated G

Leia finished tucking the last pin up against her scalp on the back of her head as she walked out of the bedroom. She glanced over at Han, who was sitting on the chaise by the bar, waiting for her. She grimaced and decided she wasn’t going to let him get in a word about how long she had taken to get ready. Granted, they weren’t at war anymore and she wasn’t dressed in simple fatigues with no makeup and her hair in a messy updo, so it took a lot longer to get ready these days. But Han still managed to find the time to tease her by reminding her how fast she had gotten dressed before they had married.

“I’ve got that meeting with Shanitea after lunch today at the museum, so I’m going to have to grab something to eat when I leave the Senate Relocation committee. That place on the dock at Martina’s is usually pretty fast. Do you want to meet there and eat with me?” She paused at the desk, grabbing up the paperwork she had finished the night before and would need for the committee meeting today. She had been put in charge of the group just last week, but she was anxious to get started on making a difference, finding new homes for those that had had their whole community destroyed by the Empire in one way or another. It didn’t matter that she was also a part of the Senate Reformation committee and the Defense Department’s senatorial advisor group.

She shoved the flimsies in her bag, which was sitting on the edge of the desk. “Wait!” she said, remembering as she glanced in her bag that she was supposed to meet with Mina Lauranti at some point today, too. “Maybe Mina can meet us there? I have to go over the outline of that new program she wants to start, but she’s busier than I am. But she has to eat, right?” She looked over at her husband, who was still sitting silently on the sofa.

His elbow was resting on the arm of the chaise, and his chin was resting on his hand. His eyes were watching her with something akin to despair.

“Han, what’s wrong?” she asked immediately. She knew he had had a restless night and had looked very tired this morning when they had gotten up, but she hadn’t had much of a chance to talk to him since, as she had already been planning out her day as she got dressed. “Are you going to be able to go to the Defense meeting this afternoon?”

“One meeting?” he huffed, shifting in his seat. “This afternoon?” He sighed. “I think I can manage.”

She opened herself up to the Force the way Luke had been teaching her to do, letting herself feel her husband’s energy. He wasn’t in pain, nor was he in distress of any kind. But the glow she usually felt coming off of his aura was missing. “What’s wrong?” she asked again, this time speaking softer and making sure she was focused on him completely.

He shook his head as if to tell her that nothing was wrong, but then she could see him change his mind. “Princess, you make me feel so inadequate.”

Leia was stunned. “What?” she squeaked. “You? Inadaquate? Impossible!” She put her hands on her hips, giving him what she hoped was a serious look; she wasn’t about to admit how much his comment had unsettled her. “You are the most confident person I know.”

Han leaned back on the sofa, rolling his eyes. “Confident?” he scoffed. “You mean good at bluffing?”

Leia couldn’t help but snort a laugh. “Well, yeah, you’re good at that, too.” She took a step towards him. “But I’m talking about the things you’re already amazing at. Things you do without even thinking about it, like reading people and knowing what they’re thinking just by reading their body language. Things that come naturally to you like flying and strategy.”

“Things that aren’t really needed now that the war is over, you mean?” he grumbled.

Leia sighed and moved to sit next to him. “I know settling down to the life of a law-abiding citizen isn’t exactly what you always dreamed of…”

He interrupted her. “That’s not the issue, Princess!”

“Isn’t it?” she asked. “You went from soldier to smuggler to soldier again, and now everyone is expecting you to just quietly sit back and let your politician wife handle everything from now on.” She paused. “But I can’t let you do nothing. I need you watching my back, General.”  

“While I don’t mind being your bodyguard, sweetheart, I know very well you can handle yourself.” He had one eyebrow arched and a slight smirk on his lips, but his eyes still held a look of weariness that was unusual for him. “Especially around those sharks in the Senate.”

“You hear things,” Leia argued. “People talk to you, are more comfortable around you. They may want me to know something, but are too scared to approach me, so they go through you. You are one of my greatest assets, you know?” She grinned.

He laughed softly, then leaned back in his seat, sighing.

Leia moved to sit next to him, reaching out to take his hand. “Are you unhappy here?” she asked softly, more than a little scared to hear the answer. A part of her had always feared her feral, adventurous lover would get bored and leave her.

Han shook his head vehemently. “Not at all,” he told her, squeezing her fingers. “I just see you running around like a Bloggin with its head cut off, and it makes me feel guilty.”

Leia was silent for a moment, then she cocked her head at him. “Remember when we first arrived at Tula V? When I went to Madine and told him I wanted to be trained as a commando? That I was a full member of the Rebellion now, so I needed to learn how to really fight?”

Han nodded. “You told him you hadn’t escaped the Death Star just so you could be the Alliance’s decorative centerpiece.” He laughed and Leia laughed with him.

Still smiling, she continued. “I felt useless. Even after I started training, I wondered if I could ever keep up. Yes, I had been trained in self-defense and was a good shot, but I wasn’t a warrior.”

“You worked hard,” Han nodded. “Very hard. I remember seeing you almost falling asleep at the supper table some nights.” He paused. “But you did it. You became an amazing soldier.”

She nodded. “But in the beginning, I felt completely inadequate. If I can learn how to adapt, you can do the same here. Take on more committee placements. Run fundraisers. Teach at the Academy. Open a casino. Hell, I think you’d make a great Senator if that’s what you want to do.”

“Open a casino, huh?” he asked wryly.

She snorted. “As long as it’s legal, yes.” She scooted closer to him, letting her head rest on his shoulder. “Or you could just take it easy for a bit. Not worry about doing anything for anyone but yourself. And maybe me, every once in a while.” She heard him huff a laugh. “Take some time to rest without guilt.”

“Like you do?” he queried, and she recognized the sarcasm instantly.

She lifted her head to glare at him, but she didn’t feel any anger. In fact, the mischievous look in his eye made her happy; now that was a familiar Han Solo expression. “I’ll make a deal with you, Solo. When the Senate recesses next month, I’ll take two weeks off and go with you wherever you want to go. Just the two of us. No meetings. No deals. No work.”

Han looked at her, his expression serious. “Promise?”

“I promise,” she nodded. “Rest without guilt.” She shrugged. “Luke is always talking about balance in the Force. Life itself is no different.” She brought his hand up to her mouth and kissed him softly on the knuckle. “And when we come back, you can run around like a headless Bloggin, too, if you want.”

He smiled softly and nodded. “As long as we both settle down and nest together at night, no matter what is going on.”

She nodded back. “Balance.”

THE END